WHO SHOULD I MARRY ? PART 2

Calvary greetings to you in the precious name of Jesus.

In my previous article, I stated that one of the factors we have to consider in choosing a life partner is not feelings, friendship or prospects. Don’t get me wrong, please. The factors I just mentioned as touching relationships or marriages are very important because after all we are all humans but remember they should not be the main reason why we should marry someone.

Hence, as a way of recap and in order of priorities, the first factor we should consider in marrying someone is the leading of the Spirit. This is very very important if we want to enjoy our relationship here on earth. For more details on this point, kindly go to part 1 of ‘Who should I marry?’.

Remember God doesn’t force His will on anyone with respect to one’s choice of a partner for He said “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life, that both you and your seed may live” – Deuteronomy 30:19.

So you see Elohim allows us to choose but it doesn’t mean He can’t help us make a good choice if only we ask Him to do so. It was Jehovah who commanded Hosea to marry a prostitute – Hosea 1 and 3 and it was the same Entity who helped Abraham in choosing Rebecca for Isaac.

The second factor we should consider in choosing a partner is purpose.

Purpose is higher than emotions. You don’t see the enticing figure of a beautiful damsel and say because of that you love her and must marry her at all costs neither do you see a handsome dude and say you want to marry him for “ beauty is vain: but a woman/ man that fears the Lord, he or she shall be praised” – Proverbs 31:30.

The appearance of someone may attract you but beyond the attraction consider purpose. What did God tell you about the blueprint of your destiny and what role can the other person play in helping you fulfill your purpose? As a medical doctor, what role can a secretary play in your marriage so that both of you can fulfill your destinies? Let me tell you the truth, most of us don’t consider purpose. All we want to know is does he or she work or come from a good family? These questions are vital for any relationship but do you know that that person with a good job or who comes from a good family may not fit into your destiny and so wouldn’t be able to help you actualize your destiny?

The Bible says concerning man “I will make for him a suitable helper”. The help the Lord is talking about goes beyond feelings, house chores, sex and having children. When you discover your purpose, it becomes very very easy to find your partner because he or she will resonate around your purpose. Do you know your purpose on earth? If you know your purpose, your partner will be in a better position to help you become who the Lord has called you to be. I know someone who didn’t know his purpose before he got married. Prior to his marriage, all he kept saying was “I’m old (30) and my grandma and mum say they want to see their grand child” so for that matter he has to marry at all costs. This guy had no good job at the time neither did the woman. He didn’t have money in his account so I advised him to get a good and stable job before getting married and seek the face the Lord but he never listened to me. Before Eve came, Adam had a purpose. What was it? To work on the land. But he )my friend) didn’t have it. I wasn’t surprised to see him go through bitter experiences in his marriage a few years after I had advised to him. He looked older than his age and came blaming the woman and confessing that he made a mistake in marrying her. I shook my head and encouraged him in the Lord. Do you see the results of disobedience?

Unfortunately, some of us knew about our purpose but as soon as we got married, we got relegated to the background because our partner who had a low self esteem, saw us as threats never wanted us to outshine them. Why?

Unfortunately, some of us can’t just couldn’t fulfill our purpose because we got married to a purposeless person . Getting married is a general purpose so to speak or a subset of the main set.

Purpose answers the question why am I here or it’s the reason for which something is done. Purpose goes beyond ambition. You don’t create your purpose but you discover it through your potentials, passion, place of consistent pain and anger and service.

Until we pay attention to the pointers of our destiny and pray till the confirmation comes from God we would not know our purpose here on earth. With all due respect and with a sense of humility I can not marry someone who doesn’t fit into my purpose. No matter how beautiful or elegant that woman is. “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” the Bible says. This means a lot. Do you know even a Christian you know very well may not be your life partner not because they are bad or evil but simply because they don’t fit into your purpose? In other words, the fact that the sister is in the choir or the brother is a prayer warrior doesn’t mean they are good for you as a partner.

Your purpose isn’t unknown to God but it maybe to you if you don’t find it out. Jeremiah 1: 5 declares “ Before I formed thee in the belly, I knew you and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained you a prophet (banker, teacher, interpreter, marriage counselor etc…) unto the nations. Do you see that? What’s your purpose my dear? If you don’t know it, discover it before you get married, please. What informs who you marry is firstly the leading of the Spirit of God and secondly what informs who you marry is the degree to which your partner aligns to your purpose and so if you don’t know about the leadings of the Spirit and have not found your purpose, please you are not yet ready to get married.

Finally what informs who you marry is the fear of the Lord. Someone who fears the Lord obeys the principles of God and always pleases the Lord. When they even offend God, they quickly become penitent and make sure they don’t repeat that act again. You can see that in them and feel they fear the Lord if you yourself fear the Lord because it’s “ iron that sharpens iron”.

The fear of the Lord is more than church attendance, tithe paying or working in church. Anyone who doesn’t fear God will hurt you and wouldn’t feel anything because their conscience is dead. They can rain unprintable words on you as insults or bring a woman to your matrimonial home in your presence and sleep with her just to hurt you. A godless man I know told his Christian wife, he would do everything possible for her to leave his house. You may say how would I know he or she does not fear the Lord? My dear, if you are truly a believer you will know the moment you meet them or with time through the instrumentality of the Spirit or their behavior or the things they constantly say. Most of the people who have serious issues in their marriages today saw the handwriting on the wall and yet they entered the marriage.

You maylove them with all your soul, spirit and body but if they don’t fear God, forget about them. One day, we sat together as colleagues and a lady asked us what was our take on pornography and as soon as another colleague began to share his views on the subject from the platform of the scriptures, the lady who asked the question got irritated and screamed “ hey, it’s not about the Bible, as for you when they ask you a question, you start quoting the Bible, it’s not about the Bible, it’s simply about common sense”.

I was taken a back. This lady initially said she was interested in me but my spirit never liked her and now her mindset confirmed to me she didn’t fear God without even knowing she revealed who she is to me.

No one who fears the Lord will discard God on any matters of life. Besides, this lady sometimes plays gospel early in the morning at work and later worldly music must follow. What do you see here? Do not follow your feelings and say you love them and so you can’t do without them oh”. You will regret it, trust me. Homes fail most of the time because we marry godless people. In fact, when we introduce such godless people to our family the question our parents first ask them if they themselves don’t know the Lord is what work does he or she do and later does he or she go to church? The first question should be does he or she love the Lord? If he or she loves the Lord, their love for God will be seen in many ways. Later you can ask what work do they do?

The angels of the Lord encampeth round them that fear him, and delivereth him – Psalms 34:7. I will choose those who fear the Lord a million times over those who don’t fear Him because the Lord can turn the story of the godly at anytime through His angels. If someone has money and doesn’t fear the Lord don’t accept their proposal because the decision you make determines your destiny. If you get someone who fears God and has prospects, he or she could be a good partner for you but prospects should not be the priority. The priority should be God leading you, he or she aligning with your purpose and their fear of the Lord. Try and read on how the late Archbishop Benson Idahosa met his wife and you will know God uses several ways in helping us choose a godly partner. If the three points I raised ( leading of the Spirit, purpose and the fear of the Lord) aren’t seen in your partner, trust me they are not your partner. If we knew this, most of our marriages would be tantamount to heaven on earth.

Thank you for reading. I hope you have been blessed.

Dr. David Tobi Ogoudou